Adjusting to Separation and Reunion
Ideas adapted from:
Having a deployed family member can bring up so many emotions. As deployment day nears, you may feel depressed, angry, the need to pull away, stressed, resentful. You may even feel confused and detached or distant.
Pre-Deployment: To keep things positive with your family member try to:
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Keep communication open. Talk about what you’re feeling and discuss expectations and how you will keep in contact during deployment
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Create moments for lasting memories. Spend time together doing things in a relaxed environment.
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Reach out to other people in a similar situation. Find support from people going through the same thing as you.
During Deployment: When your family member is gone, it is important to continue living your life.
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Find things to look forward to. Join a class or volunteer or do that project that you’ve always wanted to do.
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Reach out to people who are in the same boat as you. There is power in the bonds formed by people going through the same things.
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Focus on the things you can control. There is so much out of your control but there is so much in your control too. Do what you can. Try to let go of what you can’t control. Spend time with your family, be involved in your community, etc.
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Find stress management techniques. Go to the gym, meditation, cooking, cleaning, running, hiking, writing in a journal, being creative.
Post Deployment: There is a normal adjustment period that happens for families and their loved ones who return from deployment.
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Give it time. Give yourself time and your family member. Be patient with yourself.
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Keep a non-judgemental attitude. Attitude is everything. The right attitude can reduce stress and frustration.
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Be intentional. Make plans with each other and follow through with them. This can build relationships and strengthen emotional bonds.
Helping children prepare for your return from deployment.
Children can have a tough time coping with a deployed parent and the separation and reunion. They may have mixed feelings about reunion and that is okay. Respect their feelings and all they are going through.
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Talk to your child. Kids have questions and concerns. Listen to their concerns carefully and be patient. Respect their feelings and give them space to express their emotions.
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Learn to read your children. Children show stress differently than adults. Take note of things that are different: changes in sleeping or eating patterns, misbehavior, nightmares, etc.
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Prepare kids for changes. Things are probably going to be different when the deployed family member comes home. Talk to your children about changes in their routine. Take steps to prepare your children for the possible shifts in their day-to-day schedule that will happen when mom or dad comes home.
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Plan activities. Make intentional plans for your child and their returning parent to spend time together. Think of a special activity they can do together, suggest outings they can share.
Your family can and will be close again with a little effort. Accept that your individual family members each cope a little differently with separation and reunion. But keep an open channel of communication and be intentional and planful about what you do and your family will be better off for it.
